How many months/years before divorce?

[Underhill]

I'm no expert. But from what I've seen there are two kinds of marriages I would give better than average odds of success.

The first is what we have here. The clueless couple. They only love each other, have no idea what they are doing and learn together. They expect surprises. Call them boring but they seem to grow together and the relationships seem to last well. They are also a tiny minority.

The other is the couple who lived together for years before tying the knot. They know each other inside and out before marriage so there isn't much to learn.

Those who seem to struggle are those in the middle who have had just enough sex to know what else is out there, and want it. Or who have put on a show for the other person and there's a 'holy shit' moment once the honeymoon is over.

[sarmajor]

Originally Posted by Zan de Man

And then there's your pension.

If I could talk the government into paying a pension after the great Quartermaster store in the sky had issued me with wings and a white night shirt I would move heaven and earth to ensure that I had developed a work around to reverse that old adage that 'you can't take it with you'.

[Phyxius]

Originally Posted by tecoyah

Oh....and should you decide to get nasty....just, be prepared.
I recommend you review my posting style beforehand.

Hmph. I've seen your posting style and I ain't skeerd...

[Zan de Man]

Originally Posted by sarmajor

If I could talk the government into paying a pension after the great Quartermaster store in the sky had issued me with wings and a white night shirt I would move heaven and earth to ensure that I had developed a work around to reverse that old adage that 'you can't take it with you'.

I've often thought that you can. Simply marry a young woman before you die.

[sarmajor]

Originally Posted by Zan de Man

I've often thought that you can. Simply marry a young woman before you die.

I don't follow your drift

Are you suggesting that I convert to Islam so that I can double up

Or that I should employ a contractor to get rid of the current one?

[Zan de Man]

The idea came to me when I was listening to a radio programme about pensions. They interviewed two senior nurses, male, who had lived together in a gay relationship for decades and were, under the rules that then prevailed, unable to pass on their highly valuable pensions to one another after death.

I remember thinking, if that doesn't change they should each marry a young single mother so she can inherit their pension. The younger the better. Make the bastards pay. That's the closest you'll get to taking it with you.

[sarmajor]

Originally Posted by Zan de Man

The idea came to me when I was listening to a radio programme about pensions. They interviewed two senior nurses, male, who had lived together in a gay relationship for decades and were, under the rules that then prevailed, unable to pass on their highly valuable pensions to one another after death.

I remember thinking, if that doesn't change they should each marry a young single mother so she can inherit their pension. The younger the better. Make the bastards pay. That's the closest you'll get to taking it with you.

A better idea Zan

Your scheme is OK in that it would make the bastards pay for a long time but still there is not much in it for the newly departed.

Now it would be more practical for single people turning 80 to advertise for 20 year old spouses on the understanding that the applicant pays for a slapup honeymoon and keeps the Octogenarian in booze and sex for the rest of their (hopefully) short lives.

That way you could depart with a smile on your face and the spouse would reap long term benefits from his/her investment.

Care should be taken though to ensure that sharp objects and rat poisons be removed from the matrimonial residence.

[Underhill]

I like Zans idea with a bit of a twist. The gay men should marry a pair of young lesbians. Thus screwing the system and being mildly subversive at the same time. An added plus would be the fun of introductions at parties...

[Gilles de Rais]

Originally Posted by Anonymous Idiot Savant

First rule of statistics. Don't skim...

Oh boy, AIS. You're The One!

[Gilles de Rais]

Originally Posted by Underhill

The first is what we have here. The clueless couple. They only love each other, have no idea what they are doing and learn together. They expect surprises. Call them boring but they seem to grow together and the relationships seem to last well. They are also a tiny minority.

Yep. Also the religiously motivated one. And the not-so-young, as pointed out by AIS (although i am not sure it quite qualifies here). I mean, if you absolutely want your marriage to work and are willing to do anything for it, then, odds are, unless you married a sicko, you can make it. You might no longer really love the person but you can co-habit and that's all that's required.

I think early marriages tend to fail more because people are clueless when young and are less straight-thinking. They marry first and think they'll figure it as they roll along. Usually not the cleverest move.

The other is the couple who lived together for years before tying the knot. They know each other inside and out before marriage so there isn't much to learn.

I think i've seen stats as to which living together prior marriage, no matter the amount of time, was no good predictor to the solidity of a marriage.

Personally, I really really think it depends how much shit you're willing to put up with, from another person that is so close to you. I suspect most people gets extraordinarily frustrated with even minor failings in a spouse because they expect him/her to so completely understand them as to not fail them at all.

[witnesstheday]

gilles, though we are politically worlds apart, it's been a pleasure. pax vobiscum, as the previous owners of france used to say! or should i call it gaul?

[sarmajor]

I mean, if you absolutely want your marriage to work and are willing to do anything for it, then, odds are, unless you married a sicko, you can make it. You might no longer really love the person but you can co-habit and that's all that's required.

As one who has been married for some 52 years here is something that I can claim to know something about.

You will find that all successful marriages fall within the province of the above quote.

This idea of really loving your partner is the thing of TV soapies and the under 20's.

That usually only lasts until the birth of the first baby and then afterthat it is co-habiting with a person with whom you have a great deal in common - including a house, a mortgage and a few children - and whom you respect.

That burning love is only a flash in the pan being replaced with the comfort of a well tried partnership - akin to the satisfaction of wearing a pair of old slippers.

Respect, compromise, shared interests and a great deal of consideration for the other person is what leads to a long and successful marriage - and it does little harm to always bend to the wishes (and eternally acknowledge that she is right in everything) of She Who Must Be Obeyed.

[tecoyah]

Originally Posted by sarmajor

As one who has been married for some 52 years here is something that I can claim to know something about.

You will find that all successful marriages fall within the province of the above quote.

This idea of really loving your partner is the thing of TV soapies and the under 20's.

That usually only lasts until the birth of the first baby and then afterthat it is co-habiting with a person with whom you have a great deal in common - including a house, a mortgage and a few children - and whom you respect.

That burning love is only a flash in the pan being replaced with the comfort of a well tried partnership - akin to the satisfaction of wearing a pair of old slippers.

Respect, compromise, shared interests and a great deal of consideration for the other person is what leads to a long and successful marriage - and it does little harm to always bend to the wishes (and eternally acknowledge that she is right in everything) of She Who Must Be Obeyed.

-Quoted for Truth-

[Underhill]

Originally Posted by sarmajor

As one who has been married for some 52 years here is something that I can claim to know something about.

You will find that all successful marriages fall within the province of the above quote.

This idea of really loving your partner is the thing of TV soapies and the under 20's.

That usually only lasts until the birth of the first baby and then afterthat it is co-habiting with a person with whom you have a great deal in common - including a house, a mortgage and a few children - and whom you respect.

That burning love is only a flash in the pan being replaced with the comfort of a well tried partnership - akin to the satisfaction of wearing a pair of old slippers.

Respect, compromise, shared interests and a great deal of consideration for the other person is what leads to a long and successful marriage - and it does little harm to always bend to the wishes (and eternally acknowledge that she is right in everything) of She Who Must Be Obeyed.

Agreed.

[sarmajor]

Further to my posts

In that 52 years SWMBO and I have never had a really serious disagreement.

We have had many, many, many minor ones but never have she, nor I, run home to our respective mothers - either of whom would have throw us out and told us not to be so stupid.

Those who claim never to have had a fight in over 50 years of marriage have either lead a very dull existence or are full of bullshit.

The secret to long marriages is that neither of us have harboured a grudge overnight and almost always are back on speaking terms within a few minutes.

What causes many marriage breakups is that it is too easy to run home to mother and lose communications or to stew over a perceived injustice which tends to grow in importance hour by hour.

The longevity of our marriage is assisted by the fact that I am a very forgiving person who always overlooks her stupid female ways and dumb transgressions and, although she is not so forgiving, I do not have any transgressions which could ever cause her any misgivings.

I had better go in now for lunch as, if I do not, she will probably bitch at me for being late.

[potter]

Well said Sarge......